I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
