Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
