Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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