you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
