What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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