my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The air taste purple.
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