you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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