Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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