both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
