i would punch a child for taco bell
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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