I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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