my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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