is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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