i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
