Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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