The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
