The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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