i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
