Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
