he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
