Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
