were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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