I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
