she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
