I will die if light touches me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
