why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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