My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
