No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
