i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
