when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
