btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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