we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
