i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
