can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
