If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
