im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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