Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
