I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
