I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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