Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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