We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
