The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
