I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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