Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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