my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
