Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
