She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
