I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
