Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
