I take back everything I said about communal showers
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
