Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
