i think my tv is drunk
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
