Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
