Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
